Some thoughts on guilt…

Some friends of ours painfully shared a story with my wife a few nights back.  She was kind enough to share it with me today.

Our friends belong to a community group at their church, and during one of the latest sessions a young mother “confessed” to having diffuculty in setting aside time for a quiet time since having her baby (still an infant).  To make the story short, the group ultimately chastises her for not having a quiet time regularly even with the baby.  One gentleman (single, without children) chimes in and asks, “How hard is it to put the kids in a playpen and have a quiet time for an hour?”  The conclusion of the discussion over the confession was: if you cannot have a quiet time because of the time you spend with your children, then you are ultimately choosing your kids over God.

Wow.

Here are a few of my thoughts regarding the discussion:

1) What a guilt-trip!  This poor young lady already feels incredibly guilty about not having a quiet time (why else would she have brought it up); why would anyone feel it important to heap more upon her?

2) This guy who is single and without children should not be critical at all toward this lady and her situation.  He lacks the experiential platform to speak into her life in such a way about this issue.  Shame on him.

3) Concluding thoughts: you love your children more than you love God because you won’t spend time with him?!?!  So many things to say.  First, each and every one of us (except for maybe those in monasteries) spend more time with any number of people and activities on a daily basis than we spend with God.  How dare anyone jump to that conclusion based on that logic!  Second, to think that a brand new mother – with all the stresses, confusion, and helplessness that comes with the job – should be expected to juggle her old routine with a necessarily new one is ridiculous.   Lastly, it is disappointing (yet understandable) that the “quiet time” is how they feel a relationship with God is summarized.  This takes me to…

My thoughts about the subject matter:

Something I began to learn shortly after marriage is that there exist numerous things in this world that serve as sacraments (something that brings us to the presence of God).  I found that I had a difficult time having a quiet time shortly after marriage myself.  I found myself most mornings helping her to prepare for the school day.   I started feeling guilty because of it: for heaven’s sake, I was a youth minister and had to have a daily quiet time, if only for example’s sake.  However,  Father quickly taught me that serving my wife in the morning was serving him; by serving him, he was imparting grace to me in the same way he might have through a quiet time.  Over that last three years, he has continued to bring to light other sacraments that bring me into his presence – music, laughter with friends and family, sharing meals together, art, movies, etc.  I have not had a traditional quiet time in years.

Furthermore, regarding guilt.  I am convinced – now more than ever – that guilt is not of Father.  It often times is a product of misteachings in our churches that are founded upon ideas of morality (i.e. “you cannot”  and “you should” statements) and Christian ethics/behaviors (i.e. a daily quiet time).  The children of God need to learn to live loved, not in fear.  I would imagine that this poor young mother already feels inadequate in her new role, but to add to the situation guilt for not having a quiet time (whether self-induced or via the group – both present here) causes her to live in fear of a loving Father who completely sympathizes with her in this situation.

It grieved me to learn of this offense.  I hope all involved gain new understanding of a life lived with God in love, not fear.

A new leaf…

As my wife and I are nearing the end of a season here in Dallas, I look forward to the future.  There will be new beginnings on new foundations that have been laid here in Dallas.  As mentioned previously, most of the deconstruction that I have gone through has been for the better.  I like who I am more than I did four years ago and that is a good thing.  However, now that I am seemingly at the end of this deconstruction period, I reflect on that which I miss the most about the previous me – devotion.

I cannot recall the last time I opened the Bible to read or study on my own accord.  I cannot recall the last time I spent in contemplative prayer or meditation.  I miss these things.  I do not miss the way I previously went about these disciplines, but what I miss is the desire to be engaged in them.  I think it to be a good thing that I am now reflecting on this.  In fact, I expect it to represent a signpost advertising the things to come.   I look forward to what will be built on the new foundation.

My hope is that father will turn over this new leaf and help me to continually understand himself and myself in ways that allow for edification.

Ode to the discussion group leader…

This morning I spent time with 3 friends and 1 dear mentor.  It marked the end of a season with a gentleman who so readily made himself available to those engrossed in the medical community.  He taught us what an appropriate world view looks like – in particular, how christian faith can and should be integrated into medicine (the practice of, the technology, the ethic, etc.).  He helped us think smartly, read critically, and dialogue without need of an argument to win. He is a man that I hope to emulate someday.  Not because of his intellect or his influence on others, but because when I am with him – listening and watching – he reminds me of Jesus, and that makes me want to know Jesus more.

I will miss him dearly, and I hope that sometime in the future our paths will merge again.

Continuing…

I am not the same person I was four years ago.  Much has changed (mostly for the better).  Lately I have reflected often on these years trying to decipher from whence I have come and to where I may be going.  Unfortunately, I have few ideas and those that I have had, are fleeting.  Hence, I am trying to get in the habit of writing again.  I need a place to record thoughts and feelings and understandings and experiences.  Without it, much of life (mine at least) goes by and is forgotten.